May 26th, 2006, 9:51 am

Chuck Norris doesn’t blog

Uzis Blazin’ (Invasion USA), Flickred by locke15.

But if he did, he might write this list of his favorite Chuck Norris jokes. My source tells me these are his hand-picked favorites. True or not - enjoy.

A FEW OF CHUCK’S FAVORITES

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up - he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.