March 23rd, 2004, 12:24 pm

Courtly Machinations

I’m sitting in the Municipal Court of San Antonio, waiting to deal with a speeding ticket. Like most municipal courts, it’s like a cattle room, with pews of people waiting for their sentence. Amazingly, there is a scrolling message display that flashes messages to the waiting crowds. Each of these letters scrolled from the right of the screen to the left, PowerPoint-style: “T-h-e V-i-o-l-a-t-i-o-n M-u-s-t h-a-v-e b-e-e-n c-o-r-r-e-c-t-e-d w-i-t-h-i-n 1-0 d-a-y-s f-r-o-m t-h-e d-a-t-e o-f t-h-e t-i-c-k-e-t” It’s completely valid, and indeed applaudable, to try to use technology to communicate with a waiting crowd of people. But this medium is ridiculous! It takes about 15 minutes for a sentence to finish displaying (ok, that is an exaggeration), and by the time it gets to the final clause of the sentence, I’ve completely forgotten the first. What happened to the good old fashioned poster? This, however, is much preferable to the ridiculous system of the Texas Department of Public Safety, which is most likely the most backward system in the nation. To exchange an Arizona driver’s license for a Texas one — a most humbling moment, I assure you — one has to produce ridiculous forms of additional identification — birth certificates and social security cards, as if anyone actually owned those documents. After some haggling, and form-filling, I was given a piece of paper — a white piece of paper — and asked to sign it. This is my temporary driver’s license — for “two to three weeks.” I might point out that no organization in the world that requires a photo ID would accept this piece of paper as identification, and that two to three weeks is an awfully long time to wait for a license that is essentially a picture laminated onto a piece of paper. The Arizona DMV, in addition to being much quicker, issues licenses on the spot — and they are magical licenses that don’t expire until the driver is 65. In my case, that is the year 2046. I don’t know why I am surprised — this is the state that guffawed when I tried to have my vehicle’s emissions tested. Apparently all that is required is a seat-belt check. Don’t Mess With Texas.