November 29th, 2005, 5:44 pm

Fennessy Withdrawal

the dream i had last night …

The clerk handed back the $5 bill accusingly. It was wrinkled, too small, and had a slight smudge under Jackson’s nose that made him look like Hitler.

It was not real money.

Distractedly, I began my tale … “Look, it wasn’t me, I’m no counterfeiter! You see, we were at Steve Fennessy’s going away party …”

“Fennessy, eh?,” grumbled the old man, as he began to flip through a book of maps. “The one on old Ashburn lane?”

“… Yes, yes … Steve Fennessy, you know, the senior writer at Creative Loafing … you see we were at the Claremont, and a lot of money was exchanging hands, and I guess I just didn’t notice … “

“Lots of money, eh?” His eyebrows grew closer to me, in suggestive, curly tufts.

I looked down, immediately, at the loaf of bread and the small spiral of a seaweed-like vegetable I had hoped to purchase. The air was thick with the old man’s salt.

He rang up my purchases, handing me back the Hitler bill and the change from the $20 I had proffered. Written in purple ink, clear as day, on a real $5 were the words, “LauraFries.com sucks.”

It just wasn’t my day.*

* Actual dream! This is what really happened.