January 22nd, 2008, 7:40 pm

Jerry O’Connell Eats Tom Cruise For Breakfast

ATLANTA, Georgia, January 22, 2008

I was gonna write a little essay about the uncertainties of life, with the economy going bust in ways I’m not smart enough to comprehend, and a paltry 18,000 new jobs being added in December. Nationally.

But that’s boring and depressing and not nearly as awesome as Jerry O’Connell mocking the infamous and frightening Tom Cruise Turtleneck Scientology screed. [If by dint of living in an Internet-free cave, you've missed Tom's fascinating lecture on the benefits of Scientology, please view it below in its entirety. This Scientology glossary will help.]

Now, join me in saying: “Wow, Jerry O’Connell. I kinda thought you were horrible since you did that MTV roach movie Joe’s Apartment and Kangaroo Jack, approximately the worst thing Australian-themed ever, but now I think you are super rad and I salute you. I salute you.”