July 19th, 2007, 10:35 pm

Eye Fatigue, So Eye Got Glasses

WASHINGTON, DC, July 19, 2007

My eyeballs hurt. My sockets are weary. I stare at my computer so long that my vision develops mirage spots … swervy spots that look like moisture evaporating off hot concrete.

Sometimes, I get so I can’t read … the lines run together. On the metro, my eyes hurt; reading is painful. I can’t see how many minutes are left until the metro is coming - 3 - 5 - 8? I can’t read road signs.

Today at the optometrist, I filled out the form: Hours spent in front of a computer: 15-18.

“Your vision is perfect,” the optometrist told me.

“If you quit your job, and become a farmer, you wouldn’t need glasses.”

“Well, I was considering it,” I told him, as he moved the apparatus around my head, instructing me to put my chin in and my forehead forward.

When we were finished with the tests, he told me that my eyes, strained by computer work, were adjusting so much to the screen at arms length that I was having trouble processing images further away. Lenses to be worn whilst computing to ease the strain would help my distance vision - within a week or two, if you believe that.

I haven’t worn glasses since I was twelve, when I had a pair that were supposed to stop my reading-for-days-straight-induced headaches. I was dreading the experience of trying to find ones I liked - Christ, I drive a Scion xB, carry my Powerbook everywhere, eye skinny indierockbaristas, work for alt papers, BLOG - the last thing I wanted was a pair of rectangular hipster glasses.

Thank god I went to Dupont Optical on 17th Street NW. With a seriously impish smile, the very kind man there said, “I have something in mind” as he placed a pair of lenses on my face.

I turned to the mirror and thought - but thankfully, didn’t say - “I look pretty!”

I was surprised - the dominant lines of the glasses echoed my eyebrows. I felt older, smarter, more sophisticated, and better at my job - pretty much instantly!

“Wow!” I told another employee. “Why didn’t I get these years ago? This would have saved me tons of hassle - you know, the whole young female in the workplace thing!”

In that “I found the perfect dress” daze of delight, I snapped a cell phone pic and sent it off for confirmation. “Oh, hell, I’ll take ‘em” … I told the men.

Feverishly excited, I walked down the stairs - that was a lot of money, gee, but I’d certainly pay anything to get rid of these headaches everyday, and why won’t anyone pick up the phone! - when I finally got the responses from my glasses-wearing friends:

“No. Too librarian-ish” - Adam

“Looks good. Have to see go person though.” - Heather

To Adam, I responded:

“Doh. Bought em. Pretty in person.”

The glasses will be ready Tuesday.

Adam replies: “Haha what do i know?”

[yes, i am aware that this is a singularly unflattering image. But after scouring the internet, I can assure you that this is the only representation of my frames online.]