May 16th, 2005, 11:11 pm

Travelocity.com: Victory is Mine!

Holy moley! What a thrill! … It was all right in front of me … options, glamour, excitement: I had to be in four cities in ten days, and Travelocity.com was playing a mean old game. “Multi-city booking,” it scoffed. “Ha ha! I shall offer you a paltry two options per flight leg, completely ignoring your time of day preferences! Then, once I have broken your spirit, I shall quote you an obscene amount of money for flights you cannot even make!”

I had no choice. A cool grand? I had to fight back. Armed with Exposé, I flung open windows with abandon. Atlanta to Tampa, Tampa to San Diego — er scratch that, Tampa to Atlanta to San Diego — but to spend the night? how much cheaper is it not to — San Diego, then easily to Phoenix; once in Phoenix, to Denver than to Atlanta — a full day, is it worth it, should I stay longer?

Travelocity knew better. “Mwah ha ha” — the laugh came pouring out of some deep, dark, Jabba realms of its binary bowels. “Please! I shall not save the search results of each page in order to allow you to easily compare your options! Instead, I will randomly transfer you to pages with results of searches you concluded five transactions ago! Try and keep track of the days and times now, puny one!”

With swift motions, back and forth between my hot corners, I went Jedi on the bitch, using the power of Panther to knock those reservations out.

But here, I made a crucial mistake.

I booked the second flight first. WHY … I don’t know, I can only blame stress and excitement; the battle had been going on for an hour, and my nemesis showed no signs of tiring. All of a sudden, the tables turned.

Travelocity.com reared up on its ugly haunches, in preparation for a deep, soul-sucking belly laugh. “Oh, you need to be in Atlanta at 7pm on June 15th in order to get to California! Well ….” the site paused, considering its response. “Let’s see how well you do if I take away all of the afternoon flights from Tampa to Atlanta — while raising the prices!.

I was stung. How could this happen? How could all of the flights instantly be 20-30 dollars more expensive? They had nothing in common!!

Yes, I was stung, but not lost. Surely — yes surely, I could leave the seminar at the beginning of lunch … perhaps just shoving a Toojay’s wrap in my pocket, and dashing off to the airport?

Yes … yes, it would all work! After two hours of standoff, sweaty palms and credit card exertion (not mine, of course), I had managed to book 5 flights for four cities for $763!

Travelocity.com — we shall battle again. But know that this time — you are the vanquished. Silence!